I think it is important to surround yourself with people who challenge and push you to be the best version of yourself. The other night on June 22nd, I hung out with some amazing people on a turf field of a local high school. We decided to play the game We're Not Really Strangers made by Koreen Odiney. The rules of the game: there are three levels. Level one is perception, level two is connection (a fan favorite of my group that night) and level three is reflection. I have always seen the game advertised through quotes or pictures on social media, but I never got around to play it.
There the six of us were under a street lamp, getting eaten alive by mosquitos on the field, and getting to know the real, raw versions of each other. I remember for a split second, looking up at the constellations and reflecting that this is what my younger self pictured being a teenager was like. Not the parties and the boys, but being able to sit with a good group of people and talk about things society may be scared to open up about. We were playing for quite some time, and then my friend pulled a card that read, "What do you consider to be the weakest aspect about yourself?" I immediately, with no hesitation, answered, "I love too hard."
To much surprise, my friend shot back, "Do you regret though?" It was such a fast reply with a deeper meaning that it truly challenged my mindset. Usually when I talk about my perspective on love, people agree, but instead this friend argued it. Earlier that month, I went through an obstacle that made conversations about love difficult. I was not in the right headspace to talk about the topic without being negative. I hated the idea of affection; I hated the idea of warmth and endearment. I acted cold-hearted for awhile and told everyone that love is "pointless" and a "waste of time", but I never truly meant that. I think I was trying to convince myself of it so the pain would be less than what it was.
"What do you consider to be the weakest aspect about yourself?" I love too hard. "Do you regret that though?" No.
No. That is something I do not think I could ever regret. I love loving people, and I love showing it even more. One of the most important things I prioritize in my life is how I treat people. I aim to show the respect and gratitude I have for everyone who enters my life. I was raised by the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated. Nothing makes sense to me more than loving others the way I would want to be loved. By this mindset, I love hard. Through my words, writing letters, giving out gift baskets, my actions, etc., I try and show the most I can to people who are involved in my life, it is the most I can do for such an amazing community. I want people to feel important and loved because that is what everyone and anyone deserves the most out of this world.
With loving hard, comes a lot of disappointment. I have been let down and my heart has been stomped on a few times, and that is why I always thought of it as a negative aspect. There are people in this world who come in as lessons, and I have learned that someone else's actions will not and will never reflect on who you are as a person. Whenever someone chose to leave my life, I always had a feeling of regret of letting that individual get to know me and giving my all into the relationship/friendship. When in reality, I should have been happy that they got to experience what it felt like to be loved to such a great extent. That is the mindset I challenge you to shift. Once you start thinking of someone's disappearance in a reflective way, you take away their power. People who I never once dreamt about losing did end up closing their chapter in my life, and it was hard to let go at first, but again, I would not have changed anything. I love hard, but it is reassuring to me that those people I prioritized and spent a lot of time with were able to experience true, genuine love.
The last thing I ever want to come off as is cold-hearted. It is just not who I am, and I could never not show love in this world. I feel like it makes someone feel more alone or miserable the more you try and ignore it. It is a beautiful thing to make someone smile or feel important, and it should never be viewed as a weak aspect. We, as humans, are able to show and appreciate love, and that itself is incredible. I have had almost a month of reflection on this conversation with my friend, and these are the three key factors I now aim carry with me each and every day:
Remind someone (or more) once a day how valuable and loved they are; it goes a long way.
Do everything and anything with no regrets.
Love unconditionally.
Nothing is more pure in life than to create yourself into a person who makes the world a better place. No one can truly avoid love. I have spent a lot of my life pushing it away, or convincing myself that love is this horrible, disappointing emotion, when in actuality, it is pure. I shifted my mindset, and I see life in such an utterly peaceful way now. Never believe you love too hard; it is a gift and an inspiration to people you come across.
To hate is an easy, lazy thing, but to love takes strength everyone has, but not all are willing to practice. Rupi Kaur
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