You just read six snippets of some entries I wrote in my journal, starting with the first one in 2019 and ending with the last one a month ago. As much as I wish I could include the entirety of them, this blog post would be far too long. This entry will be very near and dear to my heart; I hope this will be the most impactful and enlightening to those facing the same struggles.
You are far too smart to be the only thing standing in your way. Jennifer J. Freeman
Change is one of my biggest weaknesses, and I will be the first to admit it. In a time of difficulty, I lean on what I know and am comfortable with. This is common, and sometimes, healthy. It becomes unhealthy when you begin to stunt your growth by remaining in places and with people who no longer benefit you. I have been reflecting a whole bunch on my younger self and who she was as a person: her dreams, her fears, her beliefs. The only thing that has truly stuck over the years is my love for God and my fear of vomit.
My fifteen-year self, as she wrote her first journal entry in the same brown, leather journal sitting beside me right now, dreamt of the life I am living currently. I do not say this in a bragging sort-of-way, but rather a perspective kind. All the joy-filled moments and heart-wrenching days led me to be sitting in this quaint, coffee shop writing about change and how to overcome the difficulties with it.
My fifteen-year-old self believed she would be a psychologist. She was going to stay home for college; she despised the idea of moving away from her family and friends. My sixteen-year-old self was called to be a veterinarian. She grew a passion for helping animals because of her part-time job at a pet store. She fell in love with a boy who she believed she would end up with. Moving away from college was off the table. My seventeen-year-old self began inviting the idea of moving away after high school. She slowly started changing her close circle of friends. My eighteen-year-old self dealt with her first heartbreak. She still had a passion for animals but started dipping her toes into writing by creating her blog. She wanted nothing more than to move out of her city and start fresh somewhere else. My nineteen-year-old self realized, after all this time, that writing was her passion. She welcomed new relationships and learned from them. In five years, my entire timeline shifted. However, above all else, my fifteen-year-old self dreamt of being happy, fulfilled, faith-strong, having a strong circle of friends, and being confident with who I am. The woman she dreamt of being is the one sitting here, today.
This entry is dedicated to her: my younger self who believed she would never be able to handle the world by herself.
The move you are afraid to make, you might as well just do it--the one you thought of while reading that sentence. That is the biggest takeaway I hope you get from this entry. Whatever you are afraid to do, start there and move forward. If you keep practicing old ways, old habits, and old thoughts, you will be stagnant in life. Holding on will only prolong growth. You must be uncomfortable to grow--I have said it before and will continue to emphasize this. You cannot expect to go anywhere when you are, quite literally, staying in one place. I would have never known I could make a career out of writing if I stuck with my veterinary major. The true issue is that people take life too seriously. "That career will not pay the bills," "I have family here, I cannot just get up and move away," "What if I get rejected?" etc. prohibits you from the act of just doing. If you constantly live in a state of wonder, you will never achieve what you want, leading you to settle for a life you will be unhappy in. Psychology and veterinary medicine would have paid the bills, but writing...not so much. However, I would rather take the risk of living humbly and fulfilled than living lavishly and being miserable. At the end of the day, you need to prioritize your mental health. What will make you the most happy? Your focus should not be: what will make me the most comfortable?
I encourage you to practice this mindset when you take a risk: you either get what you want or you get something better. Let me elaborate. After my freshman year in college, I realized that the part-time job I had been working for the previous three years was not going to benefit my lifestyle anymore. I despised the idea of leaving the company; after all, I grew up in that environment from ages sixteen to eighteen. I started applying to waitressing jobs just to say I did but continued to fall back on my retail job...until I actually got hired at a restaurant. I accepted the position before my mind told me differently. I wanted to stay at my retail job because I was comfortable, but instead, I received a better opportunity because I took the risk. To this day, I look back and reminisce on my pet store days; however, I would have never met the people, developed stronger social skills, or created beautiful friendships with my coworkers from my waitressing job if I stuck to what I wanted.
Change has the stigma that you can never retrace your steps. Squash that belief. Take the risk, and if it does not work out in your favor, go back to your roots, reevaluate, and do something differently. Just because you attempted something, and it did not go the way you planned, does not mean you are damned. My mother, for example, lived in a two-bedroom apartment with my father and my one-year-old brother at the time. My mother and father divorced, leading my mother to move back in with my grandma with my brother. I am sure she was terrified of this change, but she leaned on something she knew in a time of distress. It is okay to try something and fail, I encourage this. Sometimes hitting rock bottom is what wakes people up.
As I stated, change is one of my biggest weaknesses. I am not expressing this to be "relatable" or "likable". I loathe it when my routine is altered. My close circle is aware of how horrible my tendency to overthink is. I overthink every little thing: what people think about me, if my words came across correctly, or if I am on the right track, etc. There is a nagging in my mind when I am thrown off from what I am used to. Take an overthinker, and tell her to move two hours away from everything she is used to, and tell her to start over from scratch. What do you get? An emotional, ticking bomb of a person...AKA me in August 2022.
The biggest change I have ever made was moving away to college. It was not in my plan; I figured I would live at home and attend a nearby college. However, God had different plans and He guided me to a college two hours away. For months leading up to move-in day, I was thrilled for this fresh start, and then the day arrived when I had to leave. I was a mess. For the first two weeks of living in this strange city, I called my mother and begged her to let me come home. She insisted I gave it more time and that this was just a "drastic change for me". In a time of change, my first instinct is to run back to what makes me comfortable. As my mother advised, though, I gave it more time; sure enough, this city became my comfort. As a result of living here for the past three years, I can point you to the best coffee shops, parks, churches, and restaurants; I can give you directions using roads and street names; I can introduce you to some beautiful individuals. If I were to have run back to what I was used to and refused change, I would have never received the privilege of this fresh start and creating a new version of myself.
So how do I handle change? How do I recommend one goes about a big change? Baby steps. The biggest downfall for people dealing with a drastic change is when things do not go according to plan. You cannot expect things to go your way from the get-go. Give yourself time to acclimate and welcome all the new, uncomfortable feelings that come along with it--they are bound to surface. I was nervous to start this platform because of what others would think, but if I had never taken that leap and tried, I would not have found an outlet to write or create interpersonal relationships with those who read these entries. Everything you want comes with a challenge. It will be difficult but so rewarding. Stick with what you want, and you will be so unbelievably glad you did.
GATHERED INSIGHTS: FRIENDSHIP-FUELED ADVICE ON CHANGE
Abbey Angona:
"If I were to give my past self advice, I would probably say embrace it. The feelings and emotions are something that is so scary with change, but over time, the scariness turns into something so beautiful. Losing friendships turn you to make new ones, struggling with school leads you to finding your passion, change turns into growth and without growth, you cannot evolve. There is a life for us all planned out, uniquely and designed for every single person, and thankfully, change takes us where we need to be."
Julian Chakur:
"Change can feel scary, but it is not a bad thing. It is a natural part of life and often leads to new experiences and growth. The things you are worried about today probably will not matter as much in a few years, so do not let fear hold you back. You do not have to get everything right the first time either. I struggle a lot with getting everything right the first time. Change often comes with mistakes and learning curves. It is okay to stumble; what is important is that you keep moving forward and learn from each step."
Hanna Herman:
"My younger self struggled a lot with self-image. After many years and hardships dealing with this, I would tell my younger self that her body gives her life and energy. Rather than looking at my body as an obstacle, I would tell her to look at her body with gratitude. Everyone is given a special, unique physical being; it should be cherished rather than looked down upon. Instead of hating it, you should be prioritizing it and taking care of it as it takes care of you."
Thalia Howard:
"Since my recent breakup, I have realized how much stronger I am than I thought. At first, I felt lost and unsure of where to go, but through this, I have learned to rely on myself and rediscover parts of me that were overlooked. I have grown more confident in my own worth, understanding that my happiness is not tied to someone else. This journey has taught me resilience and how to embrace change, even when it is difficult.
Change can be overwhelming, especially when you are in the middle of it. I remember a time when I thought the uncertainty would never end, and it felt like I was losing parts of myself. Looking back, I see that every shift led me to grow in ways I never imagined. I would tell myself--and you--that sometimes, the hardest changes are the ones that open up space for something better, even when it does not feel that way in the moment. Stay open to what is coming."
Faith Howell:
If you were to give your past self advice about change, what would you say?
"Change. Just change. And don't you dare be scared of it. Change catalyzes potential and has the power to transform your life. Be bold! Grab it by the reigns!"
Cody Reimer:
"I would tell younger Cody to try harder and not be scared of anything. You should love every day being in the present not the future because you cannot go back to the past actually to enjoy your days. I would tell him to cherish sports, seeing your friends every day, and build closer relationships with the people you love."
Maya Schnorenberg:
"If I could give my thirteen-year-old self advice about change, I would let her know it is okay to feel lost and scared. At this age, my mother was battling cancer, and my family and I had never navigated anything like this before. While it was incredibly difficult and scary, it also taught us to cherish the little things and that there are so many people in our lives that we can depend on. Without family and friends, we were never alone to navigate this. Through change, we have an amazing support system built in."
Maelyn Sorenson:
"Change, as scary and overwhelming it may be, will be one of the only things that stick with you throughout your entire life. My advice to younger me would be to let that process be beautiful just as much as it is scary. With anything it takes practice, but when you can sit with who you no longer are or accept that things are different than they were, you see that letting go or changing directions is the final step in the cycle of growth. It may not always feel like it, but it will only come when it's meant to--take some deep breaths and brace and I promise you, you will come out the other side."
Tammy Swoyer:
"Change is easiest when you bring it about yourself. Mandatory change is harder to handle. If you make the decision, it tends to be easier."
MOM'S PERSPECTIVE: NAVIGATING LIFE'S CHANGES
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