Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. James 4:8
For the past few weeks, I have felt God's presence, or should I say, I have allowed God's presence to seep more into my everyday life. By seeking Him, factors in my life have slowly started piecing together. The days have become easier, my mood has been far more gentle, and my heart has been more fulfilled. Nothing physical has altered; I did not gain worldly riches or anything of the sort. God's presence is far greater, and His work on my heart in the past month has been so evident in my day-to-day actions.
I have a few things to thank for the change of heart and the gravitation towards Him. However, if I begin writing about it, I do not think I could stop, so I will save that for a different entry. The purpose of this one is simply, as James 4:8 said perfectly, to surrender yourself to Him and watch His work become apparent. When you change the way you see life, your heart will change as well.
Let me plant something in your heart that is weighing on mine: If you are in a state of mind where you are lost; where you cannot fathom how you can gain relief from a certain circumstance that is tainting your heart, I can only advise you to give it to God.
When I was younger, maybe around the age of thirteen or so, I vividly remember listening to a Christian podcast--just a random one I found on Spotify. Anxiety was corrupting my life, and I could not shake the feeling of immense self-doubt. The church told me to pray over it, but I was not spiritually mature enough to understand a conversation with God did not result in a booming voice reassuring me I would be fine. Without this booming voice, I convinced myself God could not hear me. A Christian podcast was my next solution. In this specific episode, the woman explained that when something is tampering with your relationship with God, you must give this problem to Him. As in, pretend you take this issue off your heart and visualize it being raised to the sky. It sounds silly--I thought so too--until a minute goes by and my eyes are closed. I imagined the anxiety radiating off of me and being elevated to Him. I kept repeating, "I give it to you," and focused on my breathing.
For a thirteen-year-old, who did not know the difference between being emotionally led from being spiritually fed, it was the first time where I felt like my anxiety was not mine to bear. God warns us there will be suffering in this world (John 16:33), and I am sure you have something weighing on your heart, as we all do. However, God also foreshadows His pure intentions and reassures us that He has better plans that do not result in eternal pain.
If something is standing between you and having that relationship with Him, I encourage you to imagine whatever it may be being lifted off of your body, make sure to focus on your breathing and visualize it being sent to Him. Your heart has to be vulnerable, and you have to be willing to seek Him.
Stay with me now--this all comes together. The girl doing that in 2017, roughly eight years since, was in the same position a week ago. I found myself sitting on my bed, heart heavy, Bible opened. The difference eight years can make: I am more spiritually fed and look for God in times of distress rather than worldly factors. That being said, I practiced the same method I heard from that random podcast. I gave my concerns, my stress, and my overthinking to God. After about twenty minutes of vulnerability, tears, and shaking my head in defeat, a weight was off my shoulders. It was as if God gave me a little wink, like "Child, you will be okay!"
I got ready for work and hopped in my car. It is a daily routine to head to my local gas station and pick up a Celsius for my upcoming shift, so I made my way to the Marathon right by my apartment. I walk in, head to the cooler where the energy drinks typically are, pick out my favorite, and head to the counter. As I approached the counter to tell the cashier what gas pump to load my money towards, I noticed a worship song was playing. I felt an immense amount of peace. The song playing was "Made for More" by Josh Baldwin. I was so captivated by the lyrics,
'Cause I wasn't made to be tending a grave
I was called by name
Born and raised back to life again
I was made for more
So why would I make a bed in my shame
When a fountain of grace is running my way
I know I am Yours
And I was made for more, yeah
that I did not notice the cashier was done processing my payment, nor that I even gave him my payment. He was just looking at me, concerned as to why I was not leaving. I snapped out of my little, God-driven trance and thanked him; and as I was halfway out the door, he called after me, "God Bless You!," and that is where I lost it.
Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Right before leaving for work, I sought refuge in God and He made Himself known a few short moments later. I have been in that gas station almost every day, and not once has worship music played nor have I seen that cashier. I have said this before, and I will continue to say this: When something is sent by God, He will make sure you know it was. He will instill His presence in your heart.
At a gas station where I was filling up my car's tank and filling myself with caffeine, God exemplified how good He is. As I pulled away from that Marathon, I blasted "Made for More" and used my faith-fueled miles to take me to work.
We are constantly looking for an antidote that will cure our troubles, yet we run from the One who is willing to be that antidote and cast our pain onto Himself.
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