Independent (adj):
free from outside control; not depending on another's authority
not depending on another for livelihood or subsistence
capable of thinking or acting for oneself
Based on the Oxford Dictionary
When I hear "flying solo," I think, quite literally, jumping on a plane by yourself and going to whatever destination calls your name. I do not handle planes too well, so I would probably jump in a car or a train and take that form of transportation instead. Riding solo, I guess? It is used as figurative language, however, for completing something by one's self. Gaining independence allows you to create the life that you desire without the opinions and judgement from society. I wrote in one of my previous blog entries, Not All Sunshine and Rainbows, that everyone puts up their own facade. The only person who truly knows you, is you, and to depend on society to show you who you are will never fulfill you. This is where becoming independent comes in: live for yourself.
Now, I am not saying you cannot get another person's opinion on something because I do value criticism and insight; sometimes others can see things that you may be blinded from. When you make it a priority to constantly change yourself due to the outside viewpoint, that is where practicing independence comes in to play. You do not need validation from your peers to tell you that you are good enough. This took me awhile to get a hang of, and at times, I still have my moments. How did I stop seeking comfort in validation? I realized that no matter what someone told me, it never changed what I felt within myself. I can ask for opinions and reassurance all day long, and again, it does ease the mind, but until I was fully satisfied with myself, I was never satisfied with another's perception of me.
I treasure drives by myself. It has got to be in my top ten things in life: driving with the windows down and playing the music so loud that it risks blowing my speakers out. The other day, I was driving down a road surrounded by cornfields (what happens when you attend college in the middle of nowhere) and it was the most therapeutic, relaxing experience. A month ago, I moved into college which means a new school, new people, and a new living style. I have been so caught up in school and creating beautiful relationships with some remarkable people that I did not know how much I needed this time to myself. I study at the library alone and I walk to some of my classes alone, but I never had time to truly reflect how drastic life has changed. You become so independent without even realizing it.
College has not only gifted me with some amazing opportunities, but it also provided a way to get to know myself and what I am capable of. For the last eighteen years of my life, I have always been surrounded by people. I lived under my family's roof, I was in a couple relationships, and I was constantly around friends. I would not change a single thing because these people influenced me to be the girl I am, today. However, for the first time, I am finally experiencing how it is to live on your own. I was never truly comfortable being by myself because I never took time to actually get to know every single aspect about what makes me, me. I hid behind loved ones or society's standards. When I was driving the other day, it dawned on me. The windows were all the way down, it was the first day of Fall so the weather was perfect, the music was blaring, and I felt complete and utter satisfaction. I made it to the place in my life where my younger self dreamed of being: independent.
I think it's very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person. Oscar Wilde
Being independent does not necessarily mean you have to be alone. I could not handle life without my support system; they make it easier. There are not enough words or an extent to my words that would be able to express my gratitude towards my friends and family. Spending quality time with loved ones and/or even strangers uplifts my mood to such a great degree. I never understood how I could become independent if I was such a people-person. How did I practice? I cherished my time alone, too. I spent alone time at parks, I worked out alone, I went shopping alone, etc. Doing activities that, beforehand, would make me uncomfortable doing it by myself, taught me self-love. Was I uncomfortable at times? Of course, but you cannot grow where you feel secure. My advice: spend at least a few hours a day alone. Do homework by yourself, go get food, go for a drive, etc. The more you get to know yourself, the more enjoyable life will become.
You are never alone, though. I preach about independence, but realize that it is okay to lean back on those who support and care for you in times of hardship. In no way, shape, or form am I saying to block out those who love you and merely work on yourself. What I am saying is make sure you are confident with who you are to the point where you do not need to live through another person's eyes. Whether it was positive or negative, I believed everything a person ever said about me. It was to the point where I could hardly recognize myself because I was so involved with what society made of me rather than what I knew. The freedom that comes with being independent is unmatched; you will start seeing life as your own.
As generic as it sounds: be you. I guarantee that you will attract so much more potential once you set aside other's expectations and accomplish the goals you have for yourself. The right people will push and motivate you to becoming a better version of yourself. The right opportunities will present themselves to you; take them and run with it. You know your capabilities, you know your limits, you can feel your potential; do not let a person dictate your life when they can only see you from the outside viewpoint. Until they can tell you every single aspect about yourself, what makes you, you, there is no reason to base your life off of theirs (and even if they can, still do not let them).
If you would have told my younger self that I would be in the state of mind where I am now, she would have laughed in your face. It takes time, but trust the process. Flying solo can be scary. You will encounter turbulence in your life, but as well as beautiful experiences. Focus more on your journey and making yourself the best version you can be; the destination can wait.
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