Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Being alone tends to be confused with loneliness, which is not the case. Alone time is needed for everyone; whether you believe you are a "people-person" or feel the need to be in constant company, you will eventually need to unwind and be by yourself. Two things will either happen:
1. You will reach a point of absolute exhaustion and cannot keep up with your personal needs, and you will fall into a phase where you do not want to be around anyone;
or 2. You will find a balance between your social life and your personal life in a healthy, beneficial way.
Chances are if you dislike being alone and find validation in others, the first option is looking quite optimal. There is nothing wrong with a little wake-up call. We have all been there.
Nowadays, we view solo time as negative. We are afraid to be alone with our thoughts. We are afraid that society will see us as introverted because being extroverted is glamorized on social media. We might even struggle with co-dependency and find comfort in people-pleasing to keep people in our lives. There are numerous reasons why alone time is intimidating, but there are just as many (if not more) reasons why it is crucial.
Referring back to reaching absolute exhaustion; we can only handle so much on our plate. Before you go and disagree and tell me, "I can handle it," I am not saying you are not capable. By all means, achieve all that you can. What I am suggesting is that you need to know when enough is enough. You need to draw a line at some point, or at least realize when you should take a break. If you do not create these boundaries, a lack of self-care will surface. Feelings of being overwhelmed or that you are not at your highest potential will appear. You will feel stressed, agitated, and even unmotivated. Showing up for your community is important, but so is showing up for yourself. I am certain you can handle it, but to what degree will you keep prioritizing everything and everyone but yourself?
1 in 5 U.S. adults experience mental illness. I have said it before and will continue to say that mental health needs to be talked about more. It needs to be something everyone is comfortable with sharing and can find the proper resources to obtain help and comfort. With a lack of alone time, comes a growth of mental illness. Constantly putting your well-being in your back pocket to mend for your community, putting your extra time aside to accommodate for someone else's, and pouring your all out on someone rather than on yourself are all ways to set yourself up for destruction. Love your community, show up for your friends and family, and be a helping hand in a time of need; I am not saying you should not help others or have a selfish character, but when it comes to your mental health and your personal needs, you need to put in the same effort and time, even maybe a tad bit more, as you would for someone else.
How will you know if you need that extra time for yourself?
1. Mood swings
2. Sudden outbursts of emotion (crying, screaming, feeling flustered)
3. Lack of motivation
4. Things you used to find joy in do not seem as appealing
Do you remember when you were little and you were put in time-out for misbehaving? In most cases, your parent or guardian would send you to a corner or your bedroom to "think about your actions" or to "calm down"; although I dislike proving my mother right, in 99.9% of my cases, after a few minutes to myself, I calmed down and approached the matter with a level-headed mind. I no longer found the need to throw a temper tantrum only because I was able to be alone with my thoughts and be in touch with my emotions. So, I encourage you the next time you feel over-stimulated or stressed, put yourself in time-out. Do something by yourself, send yourself to your room, disassociate yourself from the issue for as long as you need, and reapproach it with a stronger, more collected mindset.
There are a lot more benefits to alone time than solving issues with a practical attitude. Not only do you gain the opportunity to rediscover yourself and your interests, but you can show others how you deserve to be treated. In my earlier years, I could give two shits about my personal needs and wants. As long as I had a great deal of friends, everything made sense. And let me tell you, I did not know who I was or what I stood for, and my friends did not meet my authentic self (at least, not back then). I mended myself to "fit in," but I mended myself too well that I lost my spark. This is common when we are little; as long as society accepts us and we are invited to all the birthday parties, who cares? Did I make friends this way? Sure. Were they genuine? No. How did this happen? They saw how I treated myself, so they treated me the same. That simple. Those people that you make a great deal to try and impress, ask yourself that if you were to try a little less to alter your personality, would they stick around? Be so in touch with yourself that you are not validated by someone accepting you. Rediscover your character. People are more attracted to genuineness.
Not only does alone time benefit your relationships, but it also benefits the relationship you have within. As I mentioned, you rediscover yourself. Is it not so beautiful that you can be whoever you wish to be? You create the blueprint, and then people are drawn to you through your energy. That being said, make sure that the blueprint is something you stand by. With time alone, you can come across different hobbies, you can gain new perspectives on life, and you can even find new places that help you feel more in touch with yourself. Allow yourself this opportunity. For example, the more time I spend alone, the more I appreciate cafes, grocery shopping, picnics, and the gym. Not that I am unable to do these things with a friend, but rather that I prefer these activities to be my unwinding times. It does not have to be daunting, and if being out in public is too much to start with, journal, accomplish a task you have been putting off, or sit on your porch and listen to music. I recommend staying off your phone and social media when spending time alone; this creates more of a personal touch.
Start small and work your way up. I started off roller-skating in the mornings at a local park because hardly anyone was awake at that point. I worked up to going to the mall, traveling to a new city, talking to strangers, etc. You will be surprised by how much you enjoy your own space; you do not have to depend on someone else, you call the shots, and you do not have to adjust to another person's time. I recently had a conversation with a close friend of mine who is currently studying abroad in Spain. She described her time as freeing because she can quite literally do whatever she wants whenever she wants. She has jumped on a plane, experienced new places, and built friendships with strangers all while being by herself. I have never seen this girl smile as big as she had. You can tell by the way she talks and how she presents herself that this girl gained different insights and can face new challenges, and I could not be any more prouder.
You are not supposed to master this concept in a day. You will have to be challenged. You will have to deal with things you usually avoid dealing with. You will have to be uncomfortable, but at the end of the day, you have to be uncomfortable to grow. If being alone is something you are not used to, become used to it. You will see, but more importantly, feel the benefits of it. Self-care is lacking in our modern day. We are so determined to have as many friends as possible, go to as many parties as our bodies can handle, and make our lives appear perfect on social media. I am guilty of this, and yet, I have never felt so unfulfilled. The more time I spent alone, or in company of one to two close friends, the more I felt complete.
I am not saying you should not go out and socialize. There are times when I long for a night out with friends, and boy does it feel good to enjoy their company. My community means the world to me, but there comes a need for balance. Make sure you show up for yourself just as much as you show up for your friends and family; that is the goal for this entry. Be so in love with yourself that others can see the beautiful energy you radiate.
Very well written, needed to hear that perspective on alone time.