Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. 1 Corinthians 7:17
This entry has been rewritten several times; I cannot seem to get my thoughts down in the way that I want. Cons of writing--words may not come easy. Let's try this again.
T-minus four days until I move back home. If you would have explained to me back in August 2022 the adventure that I was about to embark on, my jaw would be on the floor. I would have never dreamt to experience all that I have experienced. If you were to have sat me down and showed me all the people I would befriend and make beautiful memories with, or if you were to tell me that I switched my major and entire career path, I would call bologna. College not only gave me the greatest friends and moments, but it taught me the lessons I needed to learn. You can read all the tips and tricks in the world that will "help you in your first year at college," or "help you adjust better," but until you are facing your freshman year head-on, those tips and tricks will not make sense.
The entire week before move-in day, I was scrolling through YouTube videos and reading posts online about what to expect and "what not to do" lists about college, and although they did relieve some nerves, everything went in one ear and out the next the second I started living by myself. I had to take into account that I was fully responsible for who I make myself to be, and that my future is dependent on this chapter of my life. When people say it is a big adjustment, they are not kidding. I am not saying all this to scare any incoming college freshman or to make college seem all big and scary. Simply, I want to stress that, although college is spontaneous and freeing, it is important to reflect on the lessons learnt and to practice them on a day-to-day basis.
I am a sentimental person; I look for the deep, emotional aspects in everything. College has given me an amplest amount of enlightenment into who I am, who I want to surround myself with, and how to turn a crappy situation into a positive one. I will contradict myself--although I stated not to read into the tips and tricks people share, I encourage you to read the lessons I gained the privilege of receiving over the past eight months.
No One Gives a Shit
The amount of time I have spent obsessing over what people think of me or if I look silly doing a task is astronomical. If college has taught me anything, it is that no one could care less about what you are doing. Everyone is in the same boat: running around campus, trying to make new friends, and trying to adjust themselves to a new lifestyle. I could not tell you what someone was doing yesterday. It is not because I do not care about people, but instead that I am too caught up in how I am doing in my day-to-day life than to care if someone tripped up the stairs or if their outfit does not match.
Realize that your validation should not come from others. As long as you are enough for yourself and that you are making yourself proud, you should not care about someone else's opinion of you. We are all just trying to make it through; college is rough at times, and instead of making fun or being rude, we should be uplifting each other through this chapter of our lives. I promise what you find to be embarrassing, no one will remember by the next hour.
I was walking to my dorm with a lot in my hands and I thought the lid was sealed onto my cup, but the lid fell off and my metal water bottle hit the hard floor, making the most obnoxious sound with water flying everywhere. The people in the hallway looked over at me due to the noise, and my face instantly flushed. I was embarrassed as I picked up my water bottle, my clothes now being soaked. However, no one in that hallway gave a shit. It did not affect them in any way, so there should have been zero reason for me to care, too. You are human. You are expected to make mistakes. Stop assuming everyone's attention is aimed at you; most of the time, everyone is in their own head trying to figure this whole life thing out.
Time Keeps Moving
You either do it, or you do not. Time keeps moving, nonetheless. I found myself holding back numerous times. There were moments where I did not reach my furthest potential due to the fear of not being enough. I have never regretted attempting something, I have only regretted the times that I did not at least try. Life keeps going; stop being afraid of doing something beneficial for your life. Whether the outcome is positive or negative, be brave enough to do things you are uncomfortable doing. College has taught me that you live once. I know, YOLO is so overused. But let's be honest here, you do only live once. Why be afraid of doing something you want to do? I have missed out on important conversations or key moments that may have guided me in a different direction. Do not get me wrong, I am satisfied with where I am at, but I cannot help but reflect on how things may be different if I just took the leap of faith. Time keeps moving; it is up to you on what you want to make of the time right now.
One of the biggest things I have regretted with my time at college: putting myself out there. Vulnerability has never come easy to me (ironic, since I have a blog about character development and difficulties one faces), and when it comes time for me to put my feelings on the table, I choke up. Time kept moving, and I tend to look back and think, "if I just had that conversation, things would have been different,". I despise the concept of regretting things; I think it is a waste of time. Why regret the past if you are focused on your future? Yet, like I said, I despise the concept. I am still human with the tendencies of regret. So, you might as well just do what you wish to do.
You Cannot, and will not, Please Everyone
I have the proclivity to want to make everyone happy. However, there is no possible way to make this entire world happy. You will make people upset, it is inevitable. The way you choose to fix it is what matters. Some of my closest friends are major people-pleasers, and I appreciate them for it, but I can see how draining it is. Stop bending over backwards or molding your life to make someone else's life worthwhile. My good friend always tells me, "You could be the good guy in everyone else's story, but then you'll be the bad guy in your own," and he reminds me of this frequently. He stresses the fact that when you make it a priority to put your feelings aside, you are jeopardizing your happiness. You will become burn-out.
I am not encouraging you to be a bitch and to be nonchalant to your loved ones. Know the line between people-pleasing and caring about someone. You can be there for someone, but when you alter your life for someone else's timeline, that is where issues arise. Put yourself first; make your life and goals a priority. Then after that, go help your friend with studying for an exam, or whatever they need you for.
Less is More
The less you have, the more you appreciate what you already obtain. This goes for clothes, friends, shoes, makeup, etc. In college, you will need the bare minimum and that is it. You do not need ten pairs of heels, or the entire college campus to know you. When you have less, you will be surprised with how satisfied you become. You are less responsible for so much, you are less cluttered, you are focused on the certain things that actually benefit you. You do not need a gazillion unnecessary things when you have a few essential things.
In high school, I needed to be the best of friends with everyone and anyone. In college, I realized that I truly only need a handful of genuine people to be at peace. Half the time, you spend this chapter alone (which is amazing), so you really only have time to put your all into a few beautiful people. I have friends who are there when I need to rant, ugly cry, get my mind off things, laugh the entire night, but then I have friends who I party and do spontaneous things with. I love them equally, but I just differentiate between the two. How do I do so?
One night, I was driving home from work in a really terrible snow storm. My car, not reliable in the snow whatsoever, got stuck in a snow bank. I immediately reached out to a handful of people who I knew would hop in their car and come get me if need be. Not everyone I have met has that connection with me, and that is a-okay. You will meet so many people; some play important roles, and some people you just dance the night away with. I was most worried to meet people as I transitioned into college, but that should have been the least of my concern. If you go outside in the first week of college and say hi to someone, you will befriend them. Everyone is trying to build relationships; reach out, you may end up being surprised.
FOMO is Stupid
I am guilty of making poor decisions due to FOMO (fear of missing out). There were multiple times where I should have stayed in and worked on academics rather than go out with friends. This is a common occurrence in your first year; you will want to go make memories and new friends, but remember why you are there in the first place--a degree. Friends and memories can wait, but you need to prioritize your future and what benefits it (especially if you are dropping big bucks to support your schooling). Reckless choices lead to character development, I truly believe that. Sometimes you need to mess up in order to understand certain lessons clearer. In the moment, I enjoyed partying, but then the morning comes, and I regretted not focusing on homework as I crammed in some studying before my exam.
If someone told me this before my first year, I would not have listened. It is just one of those things you have to experience yourself. So, if this tip goes in one ear and out the other, that is totally okay, but then come back and tell me I was right after. ;)
Have your fun in college, but keep a steady head. Remember why you are there and put your future first. I am never opposed to going out and having a good time with some amazing people, but next year I will be making sure my entire to-do list is checked off before I step one foot out the door.
All in all, the past eight months have taught me a whole lot and more. All the people I have met have pushed me to be the person I am, today. All the memories I have created will carry with me. There is not one experience I would trade in for. College has taught me the good, the bad, the ugly, but it has been one hell of an experience. To think I learned this much in just a singular academic year, I can only imagine how much progress I will make by the end of my four years. I cannot wait to see what and who is in store.
Here is a list of little tips and tricks that I have figured out along the way:
Check the weather app every morning!
You will wear the same ten outfits--do not bring your whole wardrobe.
Do laundry in the middle of the day (do not wait until 9pm, you will not go to bed until midnight).
Smile at anyone and everyone--easiest way to befriend strangers.
Get involved with the school.
TALK TO THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU IN CLASS!
Stick to the buddy system always.
Make a google calendar.
Buy a hammock.
Use color in your lecture notes.
You will walk a whole bunch, make sure you have a good pair of walking shoes.
Wake up early--you will get a lot more accomplished.
Actually go to your professor's office hours.
Be kind to everyone--you will need the connections.
Walk your classes before the first day.
Set up advising appointments whenever you are confused.
Find your personal study spot (my favorite was the study room right outside my dorm).
Buy cheap things--you will not need expensive dishware nor pencils/pens (they will get ruined).
Friends before relationships.
Spend time ALONE.
Keep your phone on do not disturb while doing homework.
Set your phone across the room at night so that you have to get up to turn your alarm off (prevents missing 8:30 am classes).
Do not look for relationships in your first year of college.
Do not wear slippers outside (ruined two pairs by doing this because I did not check the weather up. Refer back to the first tip...).
Make sure you buy earbuds.
Befriend your professors.
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