Want vs. Need

God's plans for you are bigger than the plans for yourself. Isaiah 55:8-9

Every Sunday, a group of friends and I come together for a personal Bible study. No teachers, no authority, no pastors or priests, just a handful of students who want to spend time with Christ. The group formed in one night. A simple call from one of my friends, and he and I invited others to come. Sure enough, a few hours later, there were about seven of us in a study room, our Bibles in hand. We had no set plan; all we knew was that we were craving a conversation that revolved around our faith, and I would like to believe we accomplished just that. It was intense but in the best way possible. All seven of us could feel His presence in the room as we went back and forth with our beliefs, opinions, and Bible verses. It was a conversation, not a Mass, not a Sermon, not a lecture. The beauty in it: we made it unique, and the next week, more of us were in the room.

This past Sunday, my friend said something that made goosebumps cover my body. Goosebumps, to me, are a visible sign that God is there. Whenever I am engulfed in prayer, goosebumps. Whenever I see something beautiful and God-like, goosebumps. There is no doubt in my mind that when my friend spoke, God needed me to hear it and reflect on it.

"Sometimes what you want is not always what you need." Goosebumps.

I have the hardest time understanding God's will. Maybe it has something to do with the planner characteristic in me or the way I yearn to know what will happen next in my story; nonetheless, I aim to control my timeline. With control, comes disappointment. Disappointment when the aspect I worked so hard on, falls through. The importance as a follower of Christ is to realize the ball was and never will be in my hands. No matter how desperate I am to figure out my next move or what a person's role is in my life, God has the plan laid out--I just have to sit and listen, not analyze. It is much easier said than done, and I am sure a few of you reading this are the same way. I am eager to know the life ahead of me; I am eager to understand all the troubles and blessings that carve the pathway for my life, but I have to place patience and trust in God. Your life is in His hands, and that alone should put easiness in your heart.

As humans, we want and want and want. Whether our wants are physical or emotional, it is a human tendency to desire. As a young girl, I wanted nothing more than a two-parent household. God had bigger plans for my life. At the time, I never understood why I was placed in this circumstance. Why others had this "privilege", but I was stuck dividing my weekends. I viewed it as unfair, but God changed my perspective into seeing it as a blessing. With my father not in the picture, I was loved by two of the strongest women--two women who would have dropped anything if it meant I was at risk, my mother and grandmother. My brother and I's relationship is the strongest; we deal with our difficulties hand in hand. Our saying, "Lifetime best friends," still correlates with our bond to this day. When I needed someone to escape to, he was a door away, and we healed from our situation together. What I am trying to get at: I longed for a father figure, but because I was so desperate to fill a void, I never realized that I did not ever need one.

Everyone deals with something that transforms them into a better, stronger person. Whether it was self-inflicted or placed upon you, there is an aspect of your life that tugs on your heart to this day. Not a negative tug, but a grateful, reflective one. Question after question, I asked God why my father was not in my life, but the entire time, He was quite literally answering my prayers, answering my questions. I was just too oblivious and selfishly distracted to notice. He placed the most beautiful, supporting community in my life. He granted me opportunities for travel, love, and friendships to fill this void. Most importantly, He granted me a love for words. I journaled, I wrote books, I wrote poems, anything to jot down these feelings. I truly do not think I would be so vocal, so sentimental, and so keen on building genuine connections if it were not for the difficulty gifted to me. I never needed a two-parent household, I wanted one. God knew, though, that I would be a far greater person without someone who did not see value within me.

What you want is sometimes not want you need. God does not answer your prayers in regards to what you wish, He grants them if He feels like it will benefit you in the long run. No prayers are truly left unanswered; God will either say yes, tell you to wait, or show you there is something far better in your future. Place trust that you will end up exactly where you need to be.

What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise. Oscar Wilde

Stop seeing every difficulty as "the end of the world" because that, alone, is a one-way ticket to self-sabotage. You will grow a hatred for life if you constantly believe the world is out to get you. I challenge you when a negative event occurs, think, "How can I take this and become a better person," or think, "I was meant to go this way for a reason". It can be over something silly; for instance, two days ago I was driving in Detroit, and anyone who has can back me up when I say, it is beyond confusing with how many exits and cut-offs there are. I took the wrong exit, and I had a moment of annoyance, but then I thought to myself, "What if an accident may have occurred?" or "What if I see something so God-like on this new road?" The annoyance vanished and it was a simple, three-minute fix to get back on track, and I was on my merry way. There was no reason for me to stay upset with myself and ruin my mood by a simple obstacle. I am not trying to invalidate you or tell you getting upset with inconveniences is inhuman (trust me when I say, on a bad day, anything can trigger me), but what I am saying is, try to not let everything disturb your peace.

Let's be real: no one wants bad things to occur. The whole point of this entry is the takeaway from when an unfortunate circumstance arises. You can either choose to be positive and trust in the Lord, or be negative and go against the world. I found that being mad at someone or something drained the energy out of me. Talking about it constantly, slamming doors, or ranting to God never made me feel better; it made me feel worse. Accept that it happened, accept that it was meant to happen, and transform it into something beneficial. God will never give you something He knew you could not handle.

My friend said this simple phrase. He did not know that I needed to hear it, but God sure did. I went up to my friend after the bible study and explained how impactful it was; how, something that just randomly came to his head, hit my heart like a boulder. Open yourself up to these sorts of experiences. Spend time with friends, walk around your city, and take in everything around you--God speaks to you in far more ways than you could ever think of. It has been difficult, figuring out what is meant for my life and what is supposed to be temporary, but God answered my worries through this phrase; telling me to stop overanalyzing, stop worrying, stop trying to fix something that only He can. Your problems are not yours to bear. In 1 Peter 5:7, He even states to cast your anxieties onto Him because He cares. Everything you and I keep trying to fix is unfixable to us. Only He can straighten your path, you just have to be full of faith and listen.

If something does not go your way, it is for the better, and you will soon find out why. Everything happens for a reason.