My mother, the wise woman she is, has drilled it into my head at such a young age to be kind, use manners, and smile. By doing this, the most suitable people will reveal themselves. Life is based on your connections: the right ones, the wrong ones, the "How the heck did you appear in my life?" ones, and so forth. You learn, grow, and mature based on your close circle, so engulfing yourself in pure friendships is life-altering.
In all my twenty years of life, I have never regretted a connection I have made. Each singular person impacted my life in one way or another, and whether or not they are still present in my life, their character is engraved in my mind.
To find a pure friendship in this generation can be difficult, but wow, it is so rewarding and magnificent when you do. A friendship sweet like honey refreshes the soul.
What do I constitute to make a pure friendship?
○ Being able to compromise. It should not be a "My way or no way" relationship. You will sacrifice things you do not necessarily enjoy to be there for your friend.
○ Being able to listen, not talk. So many friendships end with miscommunication. Half the time the other person simply needs to be understood.
○ To be "included" in the family. This is not so much a deal breaker, but I find that a friend's parent's or family's admiration for you is a clear indicator that you are an asset in their child's life.
○ Being able to reassure the other in regards to their preference. Some friends do not prefer affection via touch, words, or gifts. To understand their love language and adjust your way of reassuring their importance in your life is key.
○ Being motivated by them. Ideally, a friend should support, encourage, and influence you to be the absolute best person you can be. You will know deep down if they are helping you reach your highest potential; if you have to doubt it, chances are they are not the person for you.
○ Being able to be in their presence without feeling drained. In regards to my close circle, I never need a social battery to spend time with them. To enjoy one's company no matter the circumstance is a fulfilling relationship.
○ The biggest characteristic I look for, and this is solely my preference: whether or not they will benefit my life long-term. I believe in living in the moment, yes, but I also believe in maintaining healthy friendships. For instance, they may be a good friend to me, but will they be a good role model to my children later on? Will they motivate me in my future career? Will they continue to bring out the young, full-of-life person out of me twenty years down the line?
Are there more features I look for? Yes. Seven bullet points do not justify what a pure friendship revolves around, but do I believe those to be some of the big ones? Absolutely. I strive for beautiful, heartwarming friendships; nothing fuels life more than moments spent with people you adore. A pure friendship comes from the heart. You will leave their presence feeling full, and if not, your heart is quite literally saying, "They are not meant for your lifestyle," which is okay.
I never believed my mother when she said people come and go. I never wanted any friendships to "go," so I hung on for dear life for connections that stunted my growth. It was when I finally listened to what my heart (and my mother) kept telling me all along--you will never be unsure about someone right for you.
Absolutely do I believe in creating relationships--short-term and long-term. You will learn so much from one singular person. This entry's purpose, however, is to highlight the friendships that make life less complicated.
The greatest part about friendship is that it comes in all different forms. I have friends I talk to every day, friends from different places, friends of different ages, friends that I catch up with every month or so, friends where distance or time never weakens the connection we have, etc.
A pure friendship does not mean you must talk every day, but instead, when you do talk, are you content?
A pure friendship does not mean you have to know them for years, but instead, when they showed up in your life, did they make your days better?
A pure friendship does not mean you have to lose yourself to mend to their personality, but instead, did they accept you for who you are and let you be your undeniable self?
A genuine friend should encourage you to fall in love with yourself and what life has to offer you.
People are temporary to teach lessons. I could not grasp this for the longest time. As I previously mentioned, I used to have such a hard time letting people go. I longed to be friends with anyone and everyone. I wanted to be liked by others more than I wanted to like myself. The right people saw right through the facade though, and they reminded me that I should not have to modify myself to keep people around. So if anyone reading this needs that little wake-up call, here it is.
As I am beyond positive I have been a lesson for past friends, people help people. If we had it our way, we would not have to lose beautiful friendships, but unfortunately, it must happen that way. Yet, I find it so bittersweet looking back at my older friendships and realizing what they had all taught me. If you truly reflect, each one of your relationships has led you to who you are today.
Some taught me to appreciate and love my uncanny self.
Some taught me to look at situations from different perspectives, not my own.
Some taught me to dance in the most spontaneous places--to love life in the smaller moments.
Some taught me to feel all my emotions: anger, love, appreciation, fear, stress.
Some taught me to laugh more.
Some taught me to test my limits and challenge myself in ways I never would before.
Some taught me to stop taking life so seriously.
The kicker here, the part that is so sentimental--I needed all these lessons and connections to grow as a person and maintain pure friendships. Unfortunately, I did lose some terrific freaking people, but watching them become the best version of themselves, whether or not I play a factor in their life, is more than I could wish for. People come and go, yes, but the beauty of life is simply the act of change.
Life is that simple, no need to complicate it. If you enjoy someone's presence, enjoy it. Whether they are in your life for a week, a month, a year, a decade, or so forth. Life needs to be appreciated and if someone is making you appreciate it more, then hang onto them. That right there is a pure friendship.
I believe in solitude, and I am a girl who values her alone time. There are people in my life, though, that allow me to spend that time with myself. They understand when I need a second to be alone, when I need to experience life alone, and when I need to solve problems alone. I am expressing this because the effort you put into your friendships should be the same effort you put into yourself. So you want a pure friendship? My advice is to start being genuine and compassionate to yourself. How you treat yourself replicates how you treat others.
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